Hey, this is a quick note.  I’m still employed as of…now.  Made it through first round of layoffs but not sure how soon the next round will be.  I decided that apparently between working and school and this blog I still have too much free time so I’m starting up a photo blog.  What the hell is a photo blog and why am I so lame to do it?  Well first:  A photoblog is nothing really but  pics, so my goal is to give those who don’t live near me a visual representation of what it’s like to live here.  Nothing fancy, nothing artsy, just pics of what’s around me.  I am lame for a number of reasons that I’m sure many of you can think of but are being nice about it, if not feel free to comment on my lameness.  Otherwise look to the right and you’ll see a link for my photoblog always up there but just this once, i’ll post it here at http://presenttense.aminus3.com/

Why present tense? because i was bored at work and f u.  I want to say to everyone don’t worry about me I’m fine and all that, but part of me wants you to worry, makes me feel loved.   But seriously I already have a plan if and when I’m let go, just going to finish up school much faster, travel as much as I can before i’m poor(er), and then get a job as the manager of the guy who takes tickets at the movie theatre and wear really ill-fitting suits.  So check out the other blog often as I’ll try to get really poorly-taken pictures up of random things like light posts and my backyard as much as possible – oh and other people’s kids too.  Everyone likes that right?  It’ll be like a slide show from the 70’s I bet my dad still has a slide projector or 12 that I can borrow.

but I know where I belong.

Alright, how many of you thought the next line was going to be “but I sure know where I’ve been?”

The wedding has come and gone, beer drank, fried food eaten. Old friends met, new friends made, all in all…well…great. Sometimes everything comes together for the perfect storm of fun. I’ve been so busy with school, work, side projects, friends, commitments, etc. that I haven’t even had time to really think back on the trip til last night and from the parts that aren’t blurred. Everytime I go home I miss being there but at the same time realize that it would never be the same. I can go home for an hour but my life isn’t there anymore, sad to say I’m a visitor in my friend’s lives, we’ve all moved on with the mundane. So I can be better, I can pick up a damn phone just as good as the rest of you so i will. I write so you don’t forget me, not being in PA just means that you don’t see me but it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you. I write this and it’s not easy to do, I take the easy way out a lot but moving here and being here is not so understand that yes, I want to be in PA with all of you every day, see your kids grow up, your celebrations, and hold you up when you need it, but I need to not be there for me just the same. Distance doesn’t define our relationship or decide what matters, If I had a nickel for everytime someone told me “you’re so cool too bad you live in Albuquerque” I would make money in a really weird way. Just because i’m not there every day doesn’t mean i’m not there. I have to find my way somehow, god this sounds like i’m soul searching for like some higher meaning which no, i’m not. I don’t know what i’m looking for, I just know that I haven’t found it. Yes, never and always are words for fools, so I will take back my nevers, dismiss my always, and say maybe. So I’ll say goodbye again and bear the goodbye evenings and mornings of farewells. Cheers.

First and foremost, if you all haven’t felt it, the apocolpsye has started.   We all thought the first sign was Matt getting a job but apparently it is Spiegs having a kid.  Congratulations Mr. Spiegs, you’ll be a great dad and I can’t wait to teach your kid how to play football, we totally can use Labar’s yard.  And I’d be willing to bed that he already knows more about the 80’s than 1/2 of the country.

Spent 3 days up in Santa Fe after work this week, first time I’ve hiked up there and saw the city outside of a car window.  Thursday – keeping that one for myself.  Friday went and did habitat for humanity, worked like a real worker for the first time since I can remember, lifting trusses and putting up fences is considerably more work than writing on the nuances of a Human Resources Information System.  The family that we were building for came over to thank us for the work and made me feel like a shithead for giving up on everything I believed in for the corporate dollar.   I think there’s a balance there that i haven’t found yet.  I can do more than I’ve been doing that’s for certain, hopefully I can start using my time better than work, homework, and television.  After Habitat went to the Railyard opening beer garden dealie but couldn’t enjoy too much beer cause I had to drive back down to the Abq.  Saturday I spent moving my living room into my spare bedroom because I’ve finally given up on the idea that the couches i bought not one year ago are ever going to be comfortable, so now I have a reading room.  Speaking of reading, I’ve managed to burn through a couple books, don’t worry mom you won’t like any of them no pretty houses, nice clothes and no sex.  1,000 splendid suns was alright, kite runner was ultimately the better of the two so far but overall definitely worth the read.  The story of forgetting – such a heartbreaking book.   I don’t recommend unless you want to just be depressed for a week, but I loved it nonetheless.  I’m about to finish Sherman Alexie’s new book, Flight.  I’m only around a year late reading, don’t understand a damn thing that’s going on, but I felt the same way about Sound and the Fury and it’s still a top 10 book for me.

This isn’t coming easy tonight, I’m full of thoughts but fail to put them down right.  I’ve deleted and restarted this 100 times – just not coming out.  this week just made me feel really lucky, and good.  Not that There has been a catalyst to start this process, just that things aren’t as bad or good as they always seem.  I see this asian man occasionally, and he always has the same advice for me “keep level.”  I always think that it’s the best advice he can give, no matter the highs or the lows, you keep level, keep perspective on everything and it will be alright.  I just smile at him and nod, like I know exactly what he means and tell him every time “I’ll try.”   Keeping level isn’t easy, I tend to always overthink and take singular events to a finality that I’m not prepared for.  Maybe if I just take his advice, keep everything level and just see what happens then I’ll be alright.  Now he may just be talking about the Won Ton soup I buy from him, but I think we both know he’s talking in a much more existential sense.  He also tells me 8 minute – I still haven’t figured that one out just yet, but man he sounds wise just saying it.

Stayed up in SF the other day for some good time effigy burning.  After that we went to some local places and met some really cool people.

Other than that things have been slow, school’s kicking my ass.  Who would have thought a kid from the whitest part of the country (we have a town called whitehaven, don’t we?) would have problems with a class teaching diversity?  I blame Lasalle St. for the the problems.

I’ll be home in a week from tomorrow for a short jaunt, actually Visitig Berrick.  I’m kinda pissed that the last day that I’m in PA is the first day of the Bloomsburg Fair!

No Vincen’t cheesesteak again this year.  That’s all I got this week, looking forward to PA if only for a couple days – maybe I can go to Pepper’s and run into Jani Lane and we can rock out to a little Every rose has it’s thorn.

Oh speaking of music, Ray Lamontagne has a new album coming out soon, you can check out my new favorite song.

That’s all I got this week.  Hope everyone’s doing well and hope to see you soon.  Que Viva!

Just got back from another Canada trip, as always it didn’t dissappoint.  The only problem with going to Canada is that eventually I have to leave again and come back to work.  People ask me everytime I go “why do you go up there” and it’s usually the standard answer of “to see my family” but this trip I think I realized that it is something more than that.

The other day I was driving down the street and passed a van with 2 long surf boards on top.  First thought’s obvious – that person’s lost or on a very long drive somewhere – but they really don’t belong in the desert.  (warning lame metaphor approaching) More days than others I feel just like those surfboards – I’m either lost or just don’t belong here.  When I’m here I can never get over feeling that I’m being tolerated to be.  Not that I’m wanted anywhere or needed – but that I’m simply allowed to be with my friends as the tag along little brother.  See now here comes the stretch and the moral to this story.  When I’m in Canada, I feel like everyone truly wants me there, that they are excited to see me.  It’s the feeling of going home again and in a place where you feel wanted and loved that I guess I miss the most about not being home.

So that’s why I like going to Canada.  Other than that things have been fairly mundane.  Just keep moving forward.  And just to freak you all out, Jason Spiegs is about to have a kid. 

So when Jason Spiegel calls you and complains about your depressing blog then something’s gotta change.  Don’t have time to write much as I’m here avoiding work but I wanted to share this with you, made my day and I’m not really quite sure why.

Everyone I’ve shown it to here at work has asked “what’s his deal?” and “I don’t get it” (which really isn’t a question but meh.)  I dont’ really know, there’s nothing to “get”  It just struck a chord with me.  I think we all can agree that I have the potential to one day become crazy.  Like if there was a category in highschool for “most likely to become a wack job” I might have been in the running.  Lately that wild hair has been itching and I am sitting in this f’ing cubicle watching this video of a guy dancing .  There’s so much out there to see and do but I live in my bubbles.  My work bubble and my home bubble, basically going from bubble to bubble and really missing everything.  But I digress – here is someone who has done something about it and maybe one day i’ll get the hell out too.  Oh and I am currently sipping on a GLASS BOTTLE COKE.  I <3 my coworkers somedays.  Hope this brought you as much joy as me, and dont ask “why” just enjoy it for what it is and dont’ be such a bunch of cynical pricks.  (i’m lookin at you spiegs).

No major going’s on this week – managed to make another week without drinking (heavily), found the best french fries ever made (ever) – made some new friends – and didn’t mow my lawn (again). So I’m finding that having my best friend 2 blocks away is pretty awesome except for that he always has a: beer, b: coke and 3: pretzels of the SourDough Variety and to wash it all down he just bought Mario Kart Wii which just surpased Guitar Hero 3 as my new favorite game. They both are almost like exersize, right?

Just wanted to pop up a couple things before I went to bed – one heartbreakin’ alt-country band that fits right into the PatRock Genre and also Great Big Sea has a new album out in 2 weeks from today (accompany that news with free cantalope at work today!) made for a stellar day all around.

A friend told me the other day that we give people the chance to meet basic expectations and when they fail to meet them, we’re crushed. We wait around for something spectacular to happen, something wonderful and consistently (constantly) are disappointed but maybe we’re missing the smaller little wonders that are eclipsed by our waiting. I don’t know – I don’t mind waiting and hoping still for that moment but I won’t miss all of the great things that might happen while I’m waiting. I’m not bitter enough yet. Yeah yeah yeah carpe diem an all that shit. Here listen to this and be happy.

And other times I should.

Caution: I’ve been drinking and am waxing nostalgic:…and apparently feel the need to use a: big words and b: latin.

So…Been thinking that most of my life philosophies are from others, movies, books, lame televisions shows not named Family Matters (that shit is genius). I’m always looking for answers to questions I didn’t know I even know I had. My head is full of all these quotes, quips, sayings, iterations that have no basis in real life although make me seem humorous but really, they’re all just a bunch of movie quotes.

SIne Qua Non – “without which not” – the shit we cannot live without.

Lately I’ve been into the assumed idea of living simply, eating simple, not owning just stupid shit (of which I’m quite famos for owning), and being happy with what I have. It’s been a rather large transformation of which I can’t say I’ve been very successful. Minimalism isn’t something that I can simply make the decision to go to and throw away everything. But the first – and easiest – step definitely is the material portion. We then move on the the human equation. Really I have proven that I can really live without anyone, I’ve moved away from everything and everyone I’ve ever known. Now we get to the real hard question what can I not live without? Well you won’t find those answers here, there are some things that I won’t really share with anyone and that’s going to be one of them mostly because I don’t know the answer, obviously there’s family and friends that have stood by me and become more of my family. Just ask yourself, what is it that you cannot live without? not so much what you’re living with, but what could you not live without? I bet that list is pretty small. Sometimes we simply allow ourselves to let the situation dictate our choices and take that easy route to less problems. I’m not going to even pretend to know any of these answers, all it does is generate more questions.

Hope you all have a great weekend, and come mow my damned lawn it’s not going to mow itself.

That keeps us star gazing?

Wanted to say to all of you who’ve started writing your blogs that I’m proud and can’t wait to read them all. I know I haven’t posted in a while but I’m kind of tired of writing about things that depress me and that list is definitely shrinking. Weather’s picking up finally around here, this week it was in the 50’s and that’s just stupid considering it’s May. I made some phone calls we fixed it. Yesterday Steve came over and we played in the dirt and planted these 2 huge planters that apparently I needed, and if you’ve ever seen my house plants, lawn, shit anything that’s green and around me for an extended period you know that these too will die. I’m taking this round as a personal challenge that they will live because I need more responsibility in my life – or something.

The link I put up there has some relevance – I think. First, it is one of the only records that I ever owned, or someone owned and I remember having it in the house, it was one of those little ones with just one song one it. A friend was able to list like 10 records she owned on her blog and since she’s old there were bands like STYX and Madonna whereas the only records I owned would have to be meant for someone still infatuated with Sesame Street. Psssst – I just called you old. Also check out the shirt he’s wearing if you get the joke that’s pretty awesome, if not ask me and I’ll tell you how I too once owned a Rick Springfield T shirt. Only mine had 3/4 length black sleeves and was probably from Ceretta’s.

Nothing new and exciting other than that this week, oh – saw Indiana Jones and the KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL and it was pretty awesome, not because the movie was so incredibly great but because anything starring Indiana Jones is already super awesome so if he just stood there for 3 hours cracking his whip I’d pay 11 dollars to go see it. Also saw Narnia and Prince Caspian (the prince caspian is to be said with a heavy …accent of some sort). Which was also pretty good because I am a sucker for any movie with a sword in it and this one had lots, as well as talking badgers. A win on many levels.

Next up for the movies I think will be …well there’s a ton basically I’ll have to go every weekend to see them all.

OK I’m rambling now, one more thing while I was wasting random time on the youtube, I found this girl who just makes me smile and we all need that sometimes. Check her out, she made me laugh so I bought her album.  Hope you all have a great Memorial day thanks, for reading.